August 17th, 2013 our second son, Zachary Kyle, arrived at 11:29am via c-section...stillborn.
We found out that he was stillborn at my 39th week check-up 2pm on August 16th. I was told three times from the doctor using three different machines that our baby didn't have a heartbeat. I thought he was joking. I'm pretty sure my heart stopped beating when he confirmed it the third time. The only thing I knew what to do was cry and convince myself not to throw up.
My entire pregnancy with Zach was exactly like my pregnancy with Ethan (our first son). Perfect. There were no concerns or complications. In fact, when he was born, Zach looked exactly like Ethan. Same feet, same hands, same face, same hair color, and if Ethan was born at 39 weeks (he was born at 41 weeks), they would have even been the same size.
The doctor came into the room I was sitting in, took a deep breath, and sat down with his face in his hands. I asked probably the dumbest question in my life but I was falling into total shock and into a situation that I had no idea about.
"I have to deliver him, don't I?" The doctor nodded his head. "If I had to decide right now, there is no way that I can deliver him naturally, I HAVE to have a c-section." The doctor agreed that he would do a c-section and in fact was able to schedule it for the next morning.
The pain and heartache following the delivery of Zach is a different story for another time. No parent should have to choose the plot of their deceased child and bury them in their tiny casket. Our friends and family were our biggest support system and there is no way we could have gotten through even the roughest of days without them.
I anxiously waited for my 6 week appointment to get the OK from the doctor to work-out again. Since I had two deliveries only 18 months apart (first one was natural and the second was c-section), my body was not in good shape. The two types of deliveries are very different in many ways, but one thing I noticed most is that my body didn't recover as quickly with the c-section. The fact that I wasn't nursing probably contributed to it or it was all of the tater tots that I ate during my pregnancy with Zach that did my body in.
Once I got the OK, I started walking more, trying to do sit-ups, and even get on the rowing machine that we had in our basement. I could feel the c-section incision every time I did an exercise and it made me extremely nervous that it was going to split and all of my organs would fall out, right in the middle of a sit-up. Obviously that didn't happen and by week 8 post-delivery, it was like a light switch and my incision miraculously healed and I couldn't feel it anymore.
My husband started CrossFit about a year ago. He lost a bunch of weight quickly and was eating right. I was jealous every time he went to work-out, even if he did go at 4:15am. OK, that's a bit early but it was obviously working for him. I wanted it to work for me.
I took the On-Ramp Class that the gym offered and on I went. I started CrossFit in October and have only been going for a month now, but the impact that it has had on my life is so significant, I can't stop. The people that I do CrossFit with are my biggest supporters and best fist bumpers I know. I have a long way to go to get to the way I want to look and feel, but I have started a new journey in my life...turning my pain into power.
October 12, 2013 November 11, 2013
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