Turning Pain into Power

A few months ago I had a fear of having 2 under 2...I had no idea what my real fear was until it happened.

August 17th, 2013 our second son, Zachary Kyle, arrived at 11:29am via c-section...stillborn.

We found out that he was stillborn at my 39th week check-up 2pm on August 16th. I was told three times from the doctor using three different machines that our baby didn't have a heartbeat. I thought he was joking. I'm pretty sure my heart stopped beating when he confirmed it the third time. The only thing I knew what to do was cry and convince myself not to throw up.

My entire pregnancy with Zach was exactly like my pregnancy with Ethan (our first son). Perfect. There were no concerns or complications. In fact, when he was born, Zach looked exactly like Ethan. Same feet, same hands, same face, same hair color, and if Ethan was born at 39 weeks (he was born at 41 weeks), they would have even been the same size.

The doctor came into the room I was sitting in, took a deep breath, and sat down with his face in his hands. I asked probably the dumbest question in my life but I was falling into total shock and into a situation that I had no idea about.

"I have to deliver him, don't I?" The doctor nodded his head. "If I had to decide right now, there is no way that I can deliver him naturally, I HAVE to have a c-section." The doctor agreed that he would do a c-section and in fact was able to schedule it for the next morning.

The pain and heartache following the delivery of Zach is a different story for another time. No parent should have to choose the plot of their deceased child and bury them in their tiny casket. Our friends and family were our biggest support system and there is no way we could have gotten through even the roughest of days without them.

I anxiously waited for my 6 week appointment to get the OK from the doctor to work-out again. Since I had two deliveries only 18 months apart (first one was natural and the second was c-section), my body was not in good shape. The two types of deliveries are very different in many ways, but one thing I noticed most is that my body didn't recover as quickly with the c-section. The fact that I wasn't nursing probably contributed to it or it was all of the tater tots that I ate during my pregnancy with Zach that did my body in.

Once I got the OK, I started walking more, trying to do sit-ups, and even get on the rowing machine that we had in our basement. I could feel the c-section incision every time I did an exercise and it made me extremely nervous that it was going to split and all of my organs would fall out, right in the middle of a sit-up. Obviously that didn't happen and by week 8 post-delivery, it was like a light switch and my incision miraculously healed and I couldn't feel it anymore.

My husband started CrossFit about a year ago. He lost a bunch of weight quickly and was eating right. I was jealous every time he went to work-out, even if he did go at 4:15am. OK, that's a bit early but it was obviously working for him. I wanted it to work for me.

I took the On-Ramp Class that the gym offered and on I went. I started CrossFit in October and have only been going for a month now, but the impact that it has had on my life is so significant, I can't stop. The people that I do CrossFit with are my biggest supporters and best fist bumpers I know. I have a long way to go to get to the way I want to look and feel, but I have started a new journey in my life...turning my pain into power.

                       October 12, 2013                         November 11, 2013         

Rules of DC's Metro Area

If you are from D.C. you'll understand these rules. If you are coming here, you'll learn these rules. If you are just going to visit, give up. Read, enjoy and then destroy them.

1) First, you must learn to call it by its rightful name. It is D.C., or "the District". Only tourists call it Washington.

2) Next, if your road map of Montgomery County is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. It's obsolete. If in Loudoun or Fairfax County and your map is one day old, it's already obsolete.

3) There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in D.C. It's just another chase, usually on the BW Parkway.

4) All directions start with "The Beltway"...whic­h has no beginning and no end, just one continuous loop that locals believe is somehow clarified by an "inner" and 'outer loop' designation. This makes no sense to ANYONE outside the Beltway.

5) The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11 AM. The evening rush hour is from 1 to 8 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning, especially during the summer on Route 50 eastbound and 95 south

6) If there is a ball game at the FedEx Field, there is no point in driving anywhere near PG County.

7) Tip: Never say PG County to anyone from Mitchellville, Upper Marlboro or Fort Washington. They'll blow a vessel in their neck and go into a seizure.

8) If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended and shot at. If you run the red light, be sure to smile for the $100 picture you will receive courtesy of DMV. (However, if you don't go as soon as the light turns green, you will get cussed out in 382 languages, none of them English.)

9) Rain causes an immediate 50 point drop of IQ in drivers. Snow causes an immediate 100 point drop in IQ and a rush to the Giant for toilet paper and milk.

10) Construction on I-270 is a way of life and a permanent source of scorn and cynical entertainment. It's ironic that it's called an "Interstate" but runs only from Bethesda to Frederick. (Unless you consider Montgomery County another state, which some do). Opening in the 60's, it has been torn up and under reconstruction ever since. Also, it has a "Spur" section which is even more confusing.

11) All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Takoma Park or Greenbelt".

12) Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. Heed the warning.

13) All old ladies in Buicks have the right of way in the area of Leisure World.

14) Many roads mysteriously change their names as you cross intersections. Don't ask why, no one knows.

15) If asking directions in Arlington, Langley Park, Wheaton or Adams Morgan, you must know how to speak Spanish. If in PG County, Ebonics will be your best bet. In Annandale, a Cambodian or Vietnamese dialect will come in handy. If on Dupont Circle, Capital Hill or U Street, a gay dialect helps.

16) If you stop to ask directions in Southeast... well, just don't.

17) A taxi ride across town will cost you $12.50. A taxi ride two blocks will cost you $16.75. (It's a zone thing, you wouldn't understand) (Oh, and if you are in DC and want to go to MD, don't tell them until you get in the car...they won't take you otherwise)

18) Traveling south out of DC on Interstate 395/95 is the most dangerous, scariest thing you will ever do and when you hit it, you will wonder why the section of this road called "the Mixing Bowl" is so named. After all there is no mixing there, heck, there is no movement at all.

19) There is nothing more comforting than seven lanes of traffic cruising along at 85 mph, BUMPER TO BUMPER!!!

20) The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

21) The Beltway is our daily version of a NASCAR reality show. Strap up and collect points as you go.

22) The open lane for passing on all Maryland interstates is the far right lane because no self-respecting Marylander would ever be caught driving in the "slow" lane. Unofficially, both shoulders are fair game also.

23) The far left lanes on all Maryland interstates are official "chat" lanes reserved for drivers who wish to talk on their cell phones. Note: All mini-vans have priority clearance to use the far left at whatever speed the driver feels most comfortable multi-tasking in.

24) If it's 10 degrees, it's Orioles' opening day. If it's 110 degrees, it's the Skins opening day.

25) If the humidity is 90+ and the temperature is 90+, then it's May, June, July, August and sometimes September

26) The Mall is a long stretch of grass between Jefferson Drive and Madison Dr. It is not a place to visit A&F, The Gap, or any other hipster store you buy your tween's clothes from.

26) The train system is the "Metro." No eating, drinking, or going to the bathroom at any time inside the Metro system. Ladies, if it's late night and you've drank too much, tell a guard at a station that you have a kidney problem and have to use the restroom, they will usually let you in. No guarantee there is toilet paper.

27) Marylanders don't know what the turn signal is so don't expect them to use it...just let them go through. Their car will be in smoke on the side of the road in no time because of their state inspection laws.

My Wine and Pregnancy

I only drink red wine when I'm pregnant.
I know, it's weird to read and hear. But it's true!

When I was pregnant with Ethan, I would have one or two glasses of red wine a week. Since he turned out so well, I've continued with that intake and maybe an extra glass or two a week with this pregnancy.

I do have rules about drinking wine with pregnancy.
1. I never drink on an empty stomach or without eating while having a glass of wine.
2. I make sure it is for relaxation purposes only.
3. I often have two half glasses of wine to make one full glass. This makes it seem like I'm drinking two cocktails instead of just one. I usually have a glass of ice water in between.
4. It's ok to have a second glass, occasionally.

When we went to the 8 week confirmation doctor appointment (for pregnancy #2), I asked the doctor what his thoughts were on alcohol and pregnancy. I'm pretty sure he rolled his eyes just a little but I feel as though it wasn't directed at me but at the ignorance that Americans have about alcohol and pregnancy.

He tells Jason and I that "Americans didn't just become smarter over the past 25 years. Humans have been drinking alcohol during pregnancy for thousands of years and we still exist as a successful species." True. "Europeans have been open about drinking during pregnancy for yeeears. Americans criticize them but they all turn out ok. Don't consume too much, have a beer with your pizza on Friday night." Yes, sir!

Of course you should only drink in moderation but there are benefits to drinking red wine*:
1. Red wine contains resveratrol which protects the heart and arteries from the effects of saturated fat.
2. Red wine raises the "good" levels of cholesterol, helps prevent the formation of blood clots, and protects your arteries from the "bad" cholesterol.
3. Red wine contains anti-oxidants which help prevent the signs of aging, osteoporosis, and type II diabetes.
4. Red wine may help prevent lung cancer from the anti-oxidant Guercetin, which assists in making radiation more effective and inhibits cancer cell's ability to function.
5. Red wine may help prevent tooth decay and gum disease.

Playing devil's advocate...

Effects of alcohol on a fetus (5 or more drinks consumed in a sitting-Whoa!)**
1. The child may have a flat face, small eye sockets, and a small head.
2. Growth problems. They may be smaller then others their age. I have always been smaller then ones my age but I'm pretty confident it's genetic.
3. Learning behaviors
4. Birth defects
5. Problems feeding or bonding as a newborn.

I am not sure where I read/heard this but it is my understanding that the biggest risk to drinking alcohol while pregnant is dehydration. Therefore, drinking water while having your glass of wine will help prevent that. You're welcome.

If all consumed alcohol harmed every babes that has been born...we'd all be screwed. But we all turned out OK, right?

Cheers!

Disclaimer: I am NOT a medical professional in any way, shape, or form. I have not done any medical research or have any intention of doing so. This is based on my opinion, my experience, and some articles I've read on the internet only. Both of my pregnancies have/had ZERO complications and are perfectly healthy children to date. I am NOT responsible for your decisions. Ever.

*Benefits of red wine on the body
**Alcohol effects on a fetus

Step 1 to getting out of debt-Admitting you are going to get out debt

No one "likes" living to paycheck, yet most of us (middle class citizens) do.

*Warning-I am by no means a financial adviser, a publicist for Suze Orman, or in any way, shape, or form have any right to give anyone financial advice. Just a working mom with a few minutes on her hands...make that a few seconds on her hands.

My goal for the next few (let's say 3) years is to get out of debt. My husband laughed when I said that the other day. "Aren't most people trying to get out of debt?"-Jason

Well, yes, most people are trying to get out of debt but we are going to be different, we are actually going to do it.

I'm not here to share our finances but there's the usual: credit cards, school loan, and car loan. I'm leaving our mortgage out of it because we are a middle class, two parent working family...paying off our mortgage in the next few years is NOT realistic.

While watching some morning talk show on some random morning that I'm chasing after our toddler putting his toys away (that's another post that has yet to be written) I overhear Suze Orman sharing her advice on spending your hard earned money.


1. If you need it, buy it. If you don't need it, don't buy it.
Simple enough.

2. Live within your means, not your needs.
Sort of simple enough...do we have to get rid of the cleaning lady and cable? We JUST got cable for the first time in 4 years.

3. Fall in love with saving, not spending.
Difficult enough. I'm not a clothes, shoes, or purse buyer and my husband doesn't have any expensive hobbies he is collecting but I believe she means the little things in life. They add up.

I went to her website to check it out.
Debt Eliminator- A tool that is actually going to be useful! If I could actually see the whole damn window. I was really looking forward to trying it but apparently the web designer for her website doesn't know how to size a window.

So I moved on in her website and found this gem. (FYI- I haven't watched the videos because the volume on my laptop is stuck at Really Loud and I'm at a place that no one else wants to hear what I'm watching).
Women give testimonials on their success.

We have debt and it needs to be gone (much like those stinkbugs slowly invading our house). It's going to be a long road but it CAN be done. I don't envision switching careers any time soon like most of the women in the testimonials in the link above but we can make changes to eliminate our debt.

Step 1- We ARE going to get out of debt.
Donations are welcome :)

My 16 year old self...again

I am determined that after this baby is born, I will be able to do a back handspring again.

It IS realistic! I have had a few babies, I'm not broken.

Since the plan is to NOT have another baby 18 months after the one I'm pregnant with is born, my plan is to get my 6 pack back.

It's definitely possible. I feel as though I can get into shape pretty quickly. Pre-pregnancy weight (post quit smoking weight), I was only 16 lbs overweight.

I say only, ha! I know it's not going to be easy. There WILL be work involved. There WILL be discipline involved.

Me-I will have much bigger boobs. Those tend to stick around when I loose weight. I'm not complaining.

I'm ready.

Oh wait...I have to wait until October and the doctor gives the A-Ok to kick it into high gear.

For now, please pass the cookies. ;)

2 under 2

This post is sort of scatterbrained...well, so am I so they go well together.

We are going to have 2 children under the age of 2.

Oh my.

It's been done before. In fact our neighbors have 3 under the age of 4, see... it's possible...right? RIGHT?!

Wait, that's just crazy talk.

It wasn't our plan but it for sure as hell was God's. Well, when he surprises us like that I can use language like that.

The due date is August 24th. Super preggers in the dead of summer. I hear it's awesome. ;)

For the first few months we were both in shock and didn't know what to think or do.

Sometimes I would forget I was even pregnant...until I would sneeze again, and again, and again. While pregnant with Ethan I had pregnancy rhinitis. I sneezed the entire pregnancy. It's back. I suppose that I'd rather sneeze all day then vomit all day but ask any woman that has been pregnant, sneezing and pregnancy do NOT go well together. I can't keep track of the number of times I sneeze on a daily basis because I loose track after 12. That leads me into annoying pregnancy symptom #2; pregnancy brain. Oh boy is it bad this time around. I once turned off my radio instead of my car, went into a restaurant for an hour, came back and the car was still running. That's what that weird beeping sound was when I shut the door, the car was looking for the keys...which were in my pocket...in the restaurant.

I've talked to a few moms that have or have had 2 children under the age of 2 and the consensus is..."it's crazy for the first few years but it's great after that" OR "it's just like having twins."

What's "the first few years?" 2 years? 4 years? 18 years? Then there's college. Oh my, 2 college tuitions at the same time.

Ethan and baby #2 are going to be less then 18 months apart.

As time passes on I get more excited that they will be so close in age. I know they will play together and be good friends but I fully expected the bickering and fighting that most siblings do.

Today, I am 21 weeks along (4/14/2013)- I am getting bigger by the day, or so it feels like it. As my mom suggested yesterday, I'm starting to waddle.

Weight gain is a big concern of mine this time. The doctor hasn't said anything but there is no way I can gain 44 lbs again like I did when carrying Ethan. My goal is 20 lbs and so far I am on my way to reach that goal. This time around I've noticed how different body figures carry differently.

But the temptations of ice cream and most of all...tater tots. Every other night I have tater tots. Every. Other. Night. Unfortunately I am also starting to have heart burn every other night. Not heartburn!!!

Time- it's flying by. I believe it's because I have a toddler to chase and take care of and there is no such things as daily naps this time around. Sleep...oh precious sleep. That's a tough one also because Ethan is either teething, has hand foot and mouth disease, has thrush, figured out how to run in his crib, throw his binkies out of his crib, etc...so he isn't sleeping through the night...well, neither am I. And I only have a few months left until I'm up every 2-3 hours feeding again. Ethan tends to sleep really well when there is nothing going on but that doesn't seem to last too long until a tooth comes through or a bad cold.

When do us mothers of young children get to sleep again? There IS hope, right?

But nothing in this world, NOTHING, beats having those little hands and arms hug you, those lips to kiss, and those precious eyes show you the window to their little hearts to fall in love with from the moment they are placed in your arms.

We are all so very blessed.

Roadtrip songs-Then and later then

Later then- My family took many road trips growing up, mainly for summer vacations. Common songs/artists my baby boom parents made my brother and I listen to was John Denver, Paul Simon/Simon and Garfunkel, American Pie-Don Mclean, and Patsy Cline.  This was before DVD players were installed in every car.  My brother and I each had our Walkman or CD player (depending on the decade) to block out whichever artist was softly going through through the car speakers.  Then of course there was the argument between us of who was listening to their portable player so loudly that the other couldn't hear their music. If you have siblings...you know how it goes.

Then-We took many road trips in college to just get away or we had a mission of some sort, whichever reason took priority over writing papers or studying or just because. We listened to Dave Matthews Band (a lot), Bob Marley, and a bunch of other bands and artists that aren't coming to memory at the moment or maybe ever.

Now-My childhood and young adult road trips are coming together. Dave Matthews and other artists are paying tribute to John Denver and I'll make sure our kids hear the album on our summer road trips.

Click here to see the article published on NPR.